Its been awhile since I’ve posted anything, lil man doesn’t allow me to do much on the pc without him on my lap so I rarely get time to type a lot! There’s soo much going on in my head right now. I have soo many people I want to run up and hug, and a few I’d like to kick in the nuts. I’ll start with the cranky stuff, then get to the nice things.

     First, I was reminded tonight why S and I didn’t work out. A part of me always wants to remember the good times and forget the bad, so every now and again I think..well, maybe we could make it work. Pffft hell no. I came home tonight to see my house destroyed. Every inch of the floor was covered in shredded newspaper, books, clothing, rice or cheese. Having a two year old is a lot of work, I get that. I have to pick up my house daily after lil man destroys it. However the thing that pissed me off (and reminded me of when S lived here) was that he didn’t lift a finger to pick up the mess, and had obviously been at my house for a while because the mess didn’t stop in the living room. The bedroom, dining room and kitchen were just as bad. They had popcorn at some point and butter/oil was all over the cabinets, floors and the craft project I had drying on the countertop. And he wondered why I was furious and wouldn’t talk to him. I seriously don’t give a crap if people make a mess in my house - I just don’t want to be the one to clean it up. Its been a while since I’ve been this angry, I don’t like this feeling. I have zero patience, that doesn’t go well when dealing with a sleepy two year old. Sigh.

     In better news, I have the best friends in the whole world. Angel is seriously the most kind, loving and gentle people I’ve ever met. She deserves to find a good man who will appreciate her wonderful nature. I’m soo incredibly thankful to have found her and that she has accepted me in her life, her strength and encouragement has gotten me through some of the roughest times.  <3 her!

     Some other friends who have been wonderful to me and have welcomed me into their circles are Sarah, Brandi, Tish, Tena, Crystal, Gail, Krista and a few of my new friends who I was hired with. Love them all, I wouldn’t have gotten through those first insane weeks at work without them all. I seriously thought I was going to have a mental breakdown, the stress levels were soo incredibly high! But, my ladies looked after me and kept me calm. There are really no words to describe how much that meant and still means to me <3

     Now on to the men. There are two men in my life who will go unnamed for various reasons, but they have also contributed greatly to my sanity over the last year. My english man, I miss him more and more every day. It still amazes me that we only spent 7 days together in person (I met him online 6 years ago) but he knows me like the back of his hand, and still does to this day. Hopefully I will get to hop the pond again soon, so we can continue our many adventures. First on the list: Ghost hunting at the castle he works at, then I’d like to walk thru Leatherhead at night, it has soo much history, you can practically feel the ghosts walking around during the day! I miss the laughs, riding the trains through England and enjoying the daily surprises on page 3 of the paper every day, the food, the music, omg the food. THE FOOD. I had no clue there were soo many Indian people in England, the food was A-mazing. England felt like my second home, I truly miss it.

     The other man I miss lives a bit closer than England, but right now feels just as far away. When I was truly lost and distraught he would take time out of his day to make sure I was ok, or send me something that would make me smile. He always tried his best to get to know me and what I needed and wanted. I only wish I had been in a better place mentally so I could have repaid him the same favor. I miss his jokes, his ability to always know what I need to hear to help me feel better, the way his geekiness matches mine, the way he’s always been there if I’m falling apart, the way he looks into my eyes and grins mischeviously….sigh… i miss him.  Having someone remind me that I am wanted has helped rebuild my self esteem and my ego tremendously. I will always thank him for being a friend to me and holding my hand through the roughest moments. <3

     Anywho, its about bedtime for me. Little man is passed out and I should be close behind him. G’night all and have good dreams!